INTERNET CLASS with Dr. Digit!
Alright class, settle down now. Let's begin our first lesson. Today, we will be talking about the several people you can find on the internet. Now, online, there are some nice people, and some people that you just want to shoot in the head and stuff their body down a sewer. For example:
THE TROLL
A troll is someone who deliberately tries to create conflict, diversion, or disturbance in a particular website, game, or cyberspace, for the sheer purpose of enjoyment, attention, etc. Some examples of trolling are:
. Purposely acting like an idiot, jerk, douche, etc. just to annoy others around you, or just to gain attention.
. Spamming innocent people for no reason at all.
. Making an immoral or mindless statement that you know people will disagree on greatly, for the sheer purpose of, again, gaining attention, or just ticking others off.
. Purposely posting fake, lame, or offensive media on the web.
Fear not! For the troll has many weaknesses, that of which include:
. Receiving no reaction, attention, or retaliation.
. Having little, if any, influence on the virtual location.
. Users who are friendly to them despite it all.
. The simple statement of: "You're obviously trolling."
And, yet, there are much worse people on the internet. You see, you do not know what annoying means if you have never met:
THE NOOB
A Noob is someone who has spent a long while using a specific game, website, program, etc. and still has limited knowledge, skill, and overall experience with it. The Noob is often confused with the Newb. You see, they are completely different beings. The Newb is simply a person who is new to a specific game, website, program, etc. Newbs have potential. Noobs do not. Here is a typical Noob conversation:
Noob 1: heeeeyyy dood!!11 am finelley on levul 2!!111!!!1eleventy!!
Noob 2: lololololololol wowww dats nuthing!!! am already on level 4!!!!!!
Noob 1: aw man!! It took me a year and a half to get 2 level 2! DERP.
Noob 2: look that chick ova ther haz lots of munny! me wants sum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Noob 1: how do you do the vortex attak agen???
Noob 2: dunno man. its hard.
Noobs might sometimes be seen flaming more experienced users out of pure jealousy. How to cure a noob? Well... it is very difficult. Try some of the following:
. Take them under your wing. Be their mentor. Tell them all you know, and explain to them what you should and should not do.
. Help them act more sophisticated. Educate them on the importance of good grammar, how to make your posts look nice, and just, overall, how to seem smarter.
. If you can, teach them how to defend themselves efficiently against bullies, jerks, and the naughties of the world.
. Most importantly: MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT A NOOB YOURSELF BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO CURE ONE. THIS ONLY RESULTS IN CHAOS.
Before you go, we've got one more subject to cover. Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, the notorious, the dangerous,
THE HACKER (Tun, Tun, Tunnnn)
A hacker is someone who uses their knowledge to take control of somebody else's computer, online accounts, private information, and many other things. You see, a hacker is somewhat like a mad scientist. Most hackers must have an extensive knowledge of computers, quick thinking skills, the necessary tools (such as programs, types of computer, etc.) to carry out their evil plan, and, on top of all, hackers must be very discreet. Hacking is illegal in most states and is punishable by prison. Of course that there are many stereotypes about hackers now a days, I’m not sure about most of them, but I do know one thing: Hackers have NO LIFE. Anyone on the web is vulnerable to hackers, so to make sure they back off, follow these steps:
. Change your passwords about once each month or so. Hackers will have a harder time getting into your stuff if information is constantly changing.
. This should be common sense by now, but, seriously, DO NOT GIVE OUT YOUR PASSWORD TO ANYBODY! Not even if they promise you a reward. Don’t you remember when Adam and Eve took that apple?
. Don’t open any shady looking links, files, or media.
. Refrain from giving people too much information about your computer. Try not to talk about the specific brand, and absolutely refrain from giving out information about your wireless connections, user settings, and all that stuff.
. Use your best judging skills when entering private information into a certain website. Make sure that the website is honest, qualified, professional, and not just some sparkly jumbo crap.
.Create strong passwords for your PC, programs, and other accounts.
Even if you do follow these steps, you can still be vulnerable to hacking. Let’s face it, It can happen to anyone! So, in case you do get hacked:
. Change your password(s) straight away! This is no joke.
. Block and report anyone who might seem suspicious. Have you given personal info. To anyone lately? Did you give out your password, perhaps?
. Learn from your mistakes. Next time, be a little more careful.
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